Are you there, God? It’s me…Maple Street.
I mean this Newsletter has always felt a bit like screaming into the abyss, but at least before we could pretend you were reading this. Now, in a post GDPR world, we know that you’re not. Are you? ARE YOU? No. Exactly.
But, I mean, we’re going to do it anyway. I think. I dunno, let’s see if I give up halfway through, crumpled in a weepy little ball.
It’s May. The air is full of barbecue smoke and pollen. Your cold has faded seamlessly into hay fever and there is no discernible difference between the two sets of symptoms.
Prince Harry got married and we all kept it very much in proportion, as a country. Didn’t get too excited. 13 pages in the Metro the Monday after the wedding. 13 pages about a wedding we all saw.
It was nice though. Good luck to you both, if you’re reading. It seems unlikely though. As we’ve established, almost no-one is reading – so it would be a real surprise if we get the click-through figures and the only two people who are still subscribed to this newsletter are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. But, forgive me, I’m an optimist.
Hello Harry and Meghan. We all know plenty about what you did for the last month, but here’s what we did.
British Podcast Awards
Yeah, that’s right royals aren’t the only people who can get dressed up in May. Fresh Air can put a shirt on too…
And they can also pick up TWO awards at the British Podcast Awards.
Fresh Air had two entries in the top five for branded podcasts – and won Silver for Historic England Irreplaceable: A History of England in 100 Places, and bronze for Parliament Explained. When Fresh Air started these ventures, people underestimated them – they said ‘these podcasts will never win silver and bronze in a national podcast awards. Maybe one or the other, but definitely not both’ – well, Fresh Air showed them!
Take that, doubters! And congratulations, Fresh Air!
Have you ever thought about how Harry and Meghan wake up?
Because I have. I really, really have. And it puzzles me.
My phone alarm wakes me up every morning. That’s my go to. But there is absolutely no way that Harry and Meghan are awoken by an iPhone alarm. I can not picture that. I can not picture Meghan, about five minutes after the lights have been switched off, suddenly turning to Harry and saying ‘have you set the alarm?’ and Harry, already half asleep, mumbling ‘yes, it’s a repeat alarm, you don’t have to set it again every day’ and Meghan going ‘oh, right…night then’ and then a few moments later going ‘actually can you just check’ and Harry, grumpy and wide awake now, leaning out of the bed and, bleary-eyed, checking the alarm on his phone, only to realise that it actually wasn’t set because he’d turned it off that morning for a bit of a lie-in and having to set it very quickly so that they don’t oversleep and miss, I dunno, a knighting or something the next morning.
I can not picture that happening. So how do they get up? Old fashioned alarm clock? Closer, but still not quite right. No way should Meghan be jolted awake that abruptly.
Butler? Possibly – but these are the down-to-earth new royals. They’re humble. They’d be embarrassed by a suited man having to literally shake them into consciousness each morning.
No, the only option that makes sense to me is this…clock radio. DAB probably. It clicks on at 7 each morning, and they both come to (gradually), kiss (royally), then start their day.
What does this section tell us about what Maple Street have been up to for the last month? Nothing. Nothing at all. But it does highlight the ubiquity of breakfast radio, how relevant the medium still is, and the vital role it plays in the running of our fair country, even in the upper echelons. Next month, Theresa May – is she a Dave Berry fan, or sticking with Moyles?
Radio Audio Week
The Organisers: What shall we call it? Audio Week? Or Radio Week?
Some Brainbox: How about…both?
The Organisers: Won’t that sound odd? Like it’s supposed to rhyme but doesn’t? Like we’re saying the same thing twice, for no real reason?
Some Brainbox: No.
And it didn’t. In fact, it’s probably fair to say, Radio Audio Week was a resounding success! It was a collab between RadioCentre and the Radio Academy which are, it turns out, two different entities.
The line-up was star-studded enough that it almost put the Royal Wedding to shame! Christian O’Connell, Lauren Laverne, Ed Miliband, Mollie King (from the Saturdays) – they were all there! Vanessa Feltz was there! Julia Fartley-Brewer was there! And, for some reason, Nigel Farage also slithered his disgusting way into proceedings.
Also present and correct were Maple Street’s Creative Director Neil Cowling and Radioworks’ MD Emily Turnbull, both of whom blew the absolute roof off the place!
It was a fantastic week celebrating all that is great and good about this industry and charting the incredible rate at which its growing. It’s an exciting time in the world of Radio Audio (as we all definitely call it), and we hope you’re all coming along for the ride.
We Don’t Care About Your Celebs Anymore Unless They’re Royal. Got Any Royals In? Have You? No. Thought Not.
Sorry. There are no royals here. Not even a Vanessa Feltz.
But we did have the brilliant Tom Ward in one day a few weeks ago.
Tom Ward is the future of the comedy industry. He’s great, he’s tall, he’s very funny – and he worked with us on a few ads for an upcoming campaign. We liked him so much, we’re getting him back in (also the scripts have changed since the session, so we need to re-record)!
The other famous face is this guy…
Ryan Early! He’s been in almost everything. The Bill! Coronation Street! That Will Young video where Will Young is getting chucked out of a restaurant! Loads of things.
He came in to record a quick session for our friends at Bauer and he did an excellent job. I’m also pleased to announce that, due to a miscommunication in the build up, Ryan Early turned up 30 minutes late.
The Maple Street Basement – Where Everyone Can Hear You Scream
Like all the best things (the Tube, sewers, dead people), our studios are underground. But they are also state of the art, comfortable, professionally run and available for you to hire.
We have two lovely studios here, and now an extra voice booth, perfect for self-operated voice sessions and podcasts. So, if you want to record a voiceover, do some broadcast PR, get a radio advert made or survive an apocalypse – we have the facilities in which you can do all those things!
Get Your Briefs Out
Send us through your most troublesome brief and we’ll help you make it into an audio masterpiece.
No obligation - just to show you what we can do.
Is it too visual for radio? Is it a rubbish product? Is it tricky?
Is it something you wish would just go away?
Whatever the reason, hand it over and let us make it shine. Send your tricky briefs through to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
So that was our May.
How was yours? No point asking. You’re not there. I mean, even if you were at the start, you definitely dipped out halfway through that Harry and Meghan alarm clock bit. Guaranteed.
It’s OK though. I’ll still be here if you come back.
These words won’t change – but maybe your mind will.
And we’ll still be here.
Goodbye, anyway. Enjoy your June.