What’s better than one newsletter?
THAT’S RIGHT! Two newsletters, crammed into the same e-mail!
This is the Maple Street Newsletter for February AND March and I’ve already used up far too much copy space telling you that so LET’S! DIVE! IN!
Turbulent times my friends, turbulent times. Countries across the world have expelled several suspected Russian spies after a poisoning in Salisbury. I mean, that’s all well and good, but it kind of begs the question…were we just fine with the Russian spies being here before that? Like, it very much seems like we knew about all the Russian spies and were just kind of…cool with it. Then they did some poisoning and we went ‘Well, this is the final straw! Take your spies back!’
In other news, the President of the United States has (allegedly) been sleeping with some pornstars, a YouTuber might go to prison for turning his dog into a Nazi and Facebook controls your brain. So, the world is pretty normal then.
Here is our news.
GDPR. What is it?
This is a relevant and phenomenally boring question that, sadly, we have to answer, because otherwise I personally might go to actual prison.
From May 25th companies, like this one, and I daresay, like yours, will be subject to stricter rules on data protection. It’s basically a good thing, most likely. The irony here is that you probably understand it, whereas I, the person explaining it to you, absolutely do not. But here goes…
We can now only store data that is relevant to the task we are performing. So, any personal data your company stores (names, e-mail addresses, IP addresses), that you do not need to store, you have to stop storing. Is that…is that right?
What it essentially means is this may be the last newsletter you ever receive. From now on, I’m afraid it’s up to you.
Here’s the plan. You gather outside our office, on the last Thursday of the month, and we’ll shout our news through the letterbox. Or, if we can afford the spray paint, we’ll graffiti it on to the wall of the building.
That’s GDPR. That’s everything you need to know about GDPR.
They’re Just Ordinary People
No build up to this one, just going to hit you with it cold – Cuba Gooding Jr came in.
Yes, THE Cuba Gooding Jr. Here are all the questions you’re going to ask, answered, in order of importance –
- How does he smell? He smells like freshly cut grass. He smells like the first day of spring. He smells like roses do after a hot, heavy rain. He smells like coffee does, when it’s made fresh on a Sunday morning, and brought to you in bed by the person you’ve always loved but only just told. He smells like honey dripping down the back of a model on a yacht in St. Tropez. He smells like sunshine through an open window. He smells like very, very expensive soap, I imagine.
- How tall is he? Google says he’s around 5’9, but in my memory he was a giant.
- Why was he there? Well, he’s currently performing the role of Billy Flynn in Chicago, right here in London. He has to sing and everything. You could call him…Cuba Budding Crooner…couldn’t you?
- Did he say his catchphrase? He did say his catchphrase, yes. Without even being asked, which seems a bit desperate, but we didn’t complain.
- Was he friendly? Was he friendly? WAS HE FRIENDLY? Was well-known legend Cuba Gooding Jr., friendly? Of course he was, you absolute idiot. He was lovely.
- Did you get a photo with him? Much to his manager’s chagrin, yes, we did…
And then if that wasn’t enough – Tom Clarke-Hill came in later the same day!
If you don’t know Tom Clarke-Hill so well by name – you’ll know his voice. Let’s just say…he’s grrrrrrrrrrreeeat!
From the Frosties adverts?
He was the original voice of Tony the Tiger is what I’m saying. He was also fantastic and friendly and my word what a voice.
How do you follow that? How? HOW?
With one of the hottest bands of recent years, that’s how.
Years and Years, a young, trendy, award-winning British synth-pop band, came in to our studios courtesy of Good Broadcast.
You might think that I wouldn’t know who young, trendy, award-winning British synth-pop band Years and Years are, but you’d be wrong – because they were featured on the soundtrack to Bridget Jones’ Baby, so…
They were lovely and due to their legions of adoring young online fans, they gave us our most successful tweet ever.
Oh, speaking of tweets…
We’re on Twitter.
What do we do on there? TAKE OURSELVES SERIOUSLY, THAT’S WHAT.
We also post articles, blogs, pictures of famous people and pictures of ourselves in situ.
Also, sometimes, exclusive offers.
Oh yeah, that’s right. We know how this social media game works and we’ve finally decided we should start playing it.
But, essentially, if you want a little more of us in your lives, here we are –
The Maple Street Basement – Where Everyone Can Hear You Scream
Like all the best things (the Tube, sewers, dead people), our studios are underground. But they are also state of the art, comfortable, professionally run and available for you to hire.
We have two lovely studios here, and now an extra voice booth, perfect for self-operated voice sessions and podcasts. So, if you want to record a voiceover, do some broadcast PR, get a radio advert made or survive an apocalypse – we have the facilities in which you can do all those things!
Get your briefs out!
Send us through your most troublesome brief and we’ll help you make it into an audio masterpiece.
No obligation - just to show you what we can do.
Is it too visual for radio? Is it a rubbish product? Is it tricky?
Is it something you wish would just go away?
Whatever the reason, hand it over and let us make it shine. Send your tricky briefs through to us at: email@example.com.
And that. Is. That.
Easter weekend coming up. Doing anything nice?
I’m planning to die on Friday, spend the weekend in a cave, then turn up again on Monday.
I sometimes wonder if anyone ever reads this bit. I sincerely hope not.