After the BBC made the decision to reveal the salaries of its top earners, it has become clear that there is an appetite amongst the general public for greater transparency from their media and content providers.
In light of this, Maple Street have opted to follow suit and reveal how much we earn, in the hopes of building greater trust between ourselves and our clients.
All salaries are correct at the time of publishing
Creative Director - Neil Cowling
Neil earns a salary of £1.5 million, though he insists on being paid exclusively in Francs, the extinct French currency, so his actual take home pay, after tax, is £0.
Head of Production - Sara Hashem
Sara works on the basis that we keep her identity secret and continue to aid her flight from justice.
Senior Creative -Nicki Marinovic
Nicki is in fact the ghost of a small Serbian child, and earns revenge rather than money.
Content Producer - Katherine Kerr
Katherine works on a day rate – meaning she is paid in days. For every week she works, we extend her life by a day. Kat is 134 and will never die.
New Business Manager - Julia Vethakkan
As our newest recruit, Julia is still on probation and is therefore is not paid an actual salary – we simply provide her with food, water and a small piece of tarpaulin she can use as shelter during rainy nights.
Creative Writer - Rich Spalding
Rich earns £nowherenearenough – his salary is surprisingly low, considering his talent, his good looks and the amount of joy he brings us on a day to day basis, both personally and professionally. He is well overdue a pay-rise and is absolutely not using this as a passive aggressive method of asking for one. But do please get #getrichapayrise trending. Thanks.
Executive Producer - Louise Mulroy
Louise shits gold and has no need for actual money.
Assistant Content Producer - Laura Gallop
Laura is paid in weapons.
There are two major conclusions to take from this –
As at the BBC, there is a clear and present equality issue at Maple Street. 75% of our top earning staff are women, only 25% men. It’s a problem we are very proud to have and are doing absolutely nothing to rectify.
None of us actually take home a penny – so please, please keep doing business with us. Our families are very hungry.
That is all. Thank you.